What makes me a Minimalist Mother!

In this world of excesses we want to give our children more than we had to ourselves. We want to provide them with best of clothes, best of toys, latest gadgets, and exotic vacations. My intentions were no different. I wanted to give more and more and more. But then I realised the continuous desire of giving the best to my child has left me depleted. And then, I discovered the benefit of minimalism in life. that’s when I decided to implement the same in my parenting.

I still wanted to give my child more but this time it was, more opportunities, more time, more love and more emotional security.

Here is my point of view on why did I choose minimalism in my parenting style and how am I implementing it-

* Instil minimalism through actions and not by words – as a parent we spend a lot of time talking about it to justify it with reasons. But it’s easier when they see you practising it rather than preaching it. Sometimes all they need is to see you model the desired behavior in your daily actions.

* Taking Local Vacations – Ofcourse exotic and luxurious vacations are a privilege. But it’s a great learning to experience trips from wherever you are into your local nature and relish a local street delicacy.

* Buy less to let them innovate more – When we provide endless varieties of toys to our children, we leave them with very little opportunity to create and explore new ideas on their own. Have you ever let the child be with one toy and just notice what new games they invent with that toy out of boredom.

* Do not be the sole provider of their wardrobe – we ofcourse love shopping for those fancy and in trend clothes for our little hearts. But just to instil the comfort when taking and giving away the clothes, try and make them wear passed on clothes or gears from friends and family just to make them comfortable with this concept. Simultaneously pass on the out grown clothes, gears and accessories and keep the space decluttered.

* Use the library – The library is there for a reason, and these days library is not just for books. Register with a good toy library, or a music library.

* Look for people with similar philosophy – children who have a similar minimalist philosophy can get together and can enjoy being creative together and won’t come away with a feeling of envy.

I believe the key is to not force it on the child, instead it’s better to talk to them and help the child “own” this lifestyle by emphasizing that minimalism is your way of life out of choice. secondly, it’s important to take this really slow and gradually inculcate this in day to day life, any try to make this an over night process might leave a negative impact on the child.

In your journey of minimalistic parenting, many times you might feel guilty of depriving your children of “the best” when you don’t register them for every other activity, or take them to every movie, or buy them every brain-enhancing toy. But hey! Media and advertising companies are paying millions to make you think this. Don’t “buy” it. Trust me on this, You are not depriving your children; you are enhancing their mental and emotional development.

I am not against buying things that make our life easier or more enjoyable but certainly against mindless consumption and raising my child to link her self worth to how much cool stuff she owns.

share with me your views on practising minimalism in your parenting style.

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Are you a MINIMALIST too?

In today’s era where the world is flooded with overwhelming choices, are we being influenced to think that WE NEED MORE? Give it a moment and think – do we really need more gadgets to be more productive? Do we really need a new outfit for every event or it’s just the peer pressure? Are tv commercials influencing  us to believe that we need those expensive products for our safety or well-being of our skin or fitness?

Call me a millennial but I truly believe in minimalism. In my personal opinion, Less is More. I try my best to get rid of all non-essentials and focus on the things that give life meaning and joy. It helps me balance my lifestyle, and has made my life more simpler and happier.

Does being a minimalist means, I buy less things?

Not at all, it means I only buy things that I  absolutely need. I try to draw a line between my wants and needs. As a minimalist, I like being surrounded by things that are most of value to me and make me feel content.

I know that it is very easy to slip and fall into situations of buying every cute thing you see because it’s interesting or you want to try new things or because you think that you will use it “ONE DAY.”

As a new parent I promise myself to incorporate the same in my parenting style. I will never deprive my daughter from essentials but I will also always declutter the non essentials. As a parent I want to focus on the simple joys of parenting and enjoy her childhood. This might be challenging as I want to give my little darling the world like any other parent would want to. But I want to try my best to keep away from the new culture that only talks about excesses.

With my experience of being a minimalist myself, I have figured out that simplification is the key to a fun filled, relaxed and decluttered parenting. To know more on about my minimalistic approach in parenting and to know more on how am I doing it, look up to my next post on this here.

Separation anxiety – isn’t just for kids!

Today, I am going to talk about a very sensitive issue that we all go through being a mother.

As a first time mother I always felt acutely nervous when I let my daughter away. I would worry about her adjustments or just about miss spending time with her.

The idea of leaving her for just a short amount of time was enough to fill my heart with worries and guilt. Of course I believed that no one else could possibly take care of my daughter better than I could, not for even a minute.

Until when my mom told me – Separation anxiety is the other side of the attachment coin; a healthy bond with my child means a certain degree of discomfort when she’s not there.

Here are few things that I practised to deal with it:

1️. Its ok to feel anxious:

Separation anxiety is a natural part of development as a mother. The goal isn’t to get rid of worry or doubt – in fact, nerves are part of our parenting instinct and they help us make good decisions.

2️. Everyone has a different way of handling a child, and kids are most adaptive:

One of the tough parts about leaving her was the fear that no one else knows the secrets. And that’s true, but kids are surprisingly adaptive. Even as tiny babies, they know the game is different when someone else is in charge. Dad, grandma, or a nanny – those people will find their own way and might surprise you with their tricks.

3️. Separation is important and healthy for child:

Tell yourself you are doing it for the child. It’s healthy for the baby to be taken care of by multiple caregivers. Letting her to trust and be cared by other people only will boosts her to develop a bond and sense that the world is a safe place.

4️ Enjoy your time!!

Think about all the things you have been wanting to do since a long time. It’s important for you to take a break. Steal some alone time with your spouse or your friends. It’s important as a mother to feel happy to spread happiness around baby. .

Just know that attachment doesn’t mean always physically being there. Let your bond with child grow with a consistent message that you will come back.

“Mommas Celebrating Love” – how am I celebrating V-day!

Love is in the air and Valentines Day is just around the corner.  But, if you’ve just had a baby, romance is probably furthest from your mind.

Being a completely Bollywood person at heart I like a lot of drama in life and that is why sometimes I feel, I get too engrossed in being a parent, so that i forget that we are a couple as well. But for a healthy relationship it’s important to keep the passion burning. This Valentines Day, I took some time to remember the romantic side of my relationship.

These are few things that I did to plan a beautiful day without bothering my mom duties, guilt free right!

Well, I started Planning In Advance. With being in the most responsible, 24 hour job (being a mother) it’s always better to start planning early. Usually the moment we think we will do something special for ourselves, the child gets a signal and they want you at the very same moment and hey momma! You can’t ignore them. So I thought I would gradually start planning as and when I got some free time.

This valentine, I chose to keep away of extravagant gifts, instead I did a diy card with a hand written letter with some cute tiny love notes.

More on this, to woo my partner I chose a dozen of roses and a fancy candle lit dinner with some soft music. This will be the perfect setting to our romantic evening inside our house. Also, this will keep me guilt free while we enjoy a beautiful evening together.

Further, while planning all these for him a thought struck me deep in my heart. Even though I have snagged myself two most adorable #ValentineForLife, it’s still super important to be your own valentine, too. It feels lovely to prep up to celebrate the day of love with my partner, but hey! How about celebrating this day with some love for myself too. Because as it’s rightly said, you can’t truly love someone until you love yourself.

So decided to Pamper Myself in advance with a fancy spa which I am pretty sure will be good for a more happy and Rejuvenated me.

I also went ahead and Gifted myself that pair of shoes I had my eye on for quite some time. Moreover I also Treated Myself with an over indulgent brunch with a bunch of my favourite people at an expensive restaurant. I genuinely feel sometimes this little momentary splurge is just what I exactly need for a good confidence boost or to pump up that happy-feeling.

I agree life is a little stressful with all the changes that parenthood has brought in. But not acknowledging or celebrating this day, just because it’s too mainstream or because you are a parent can be the biggest mistake. Every day can be a Valentine’s Day but if you are not being able to celebrate everyday let’s give it our best short to make this one day special and make some memories for lifetime.

What’s your take on celebrating this one day of love with your partner or may be, just with yourself?

This blog post is a part of a Blog Train that is hosted by Jasmeet from Mommyvoyage and Anchal from Themumstrory.

We hare bringing 28 moms together,  who would share their take on Love and Relationships. This is a month long blog train. Hope you enjoy reading it

I would like to thank Neetajain for introducing me and Next in this train is Disha from Hashtagdisha . Hop on to her website to read her views on this theme.

It’s Your ME-TIME Mommy!

The moment I saw those two red lines on my pregnancy test strip, I was confused!

I was happy, but I was afraid, I had no idea what I was getting into. I knew it is not going to be a cake walk, but gradually after a few ultrasound sessions I wanted to face this. All I wanted was, to be a mother to the little one in my womb. I was eagerly waiting to meet this soul more than anything.

Motherhood is beautiful, I have found my happiness for life after being a mother. But also the other side of it is crazy hard and I would still love to be a mother willingly all over again.

Being a mother, I found it is increasingly difficult to find time for myself and do things just for me. This New Years I made a promise, “I would make time for myself”. I feel it’s really important to do things, that you like. Because if you do not, you will be a person who have it all, but is still unhappy. And being a mother, it’s important to be happy in order to raise happy children.

Just a thought of taking some me time might over burden you with all that mom guilt. But hey ! You are not just a mom. You are a friend, you are a wife, you might be a singer, a painter, a chef, a lawyer. Being a mom is indeed the most important responsibility, but it’s not all that defines you. What you were as a person before being a mom has made you what you are today. You need to be connected to what you were, as one day you may have to or want to wear your old hat again.

Babies grow up in the blink of an eye, you will not realise when your tiny bird will be all prepared to fly on their own. If you don’t have interests and activities that fill you up outside of raising your children, you are going to feel very lost and alone.

You can’t help your child if you haven’t filled up your heart with life-giving oxygen. The more you fill up your personal fulfilment, the more you are able to pour into your children. Regularly, taking time for yourself helps you to be a better mom.

  • So dress up mommy, go for that long due coffee with your best friend.
  • Take time out for a long bubble bath, with your favourite Bollywood magazine.
  • Pamper yourself with a massage session, a pedicure and get that pretty nail art done.
  • Write the book that you are wanting to, since a long time.
  • Book your tickets for a movie night, with your girl gang.
  • Dress up your best and indulge in some retail therapy.

Whatever it is that you want to do, just live that moment to the fullest. Do not let that mom guilt ruin your time. Everything that you have to do, will be either taken care of or will be right there when you get back. Take my words, everything will be ok when you indulge in some me time. Trust me, it’s totally worth it, you will be a better person and a more happier and fulfilled momma to your children.

Let them be free – but in Moderation.

31D2F975-691A-4B16-8840-46505AE615B1Being a parent has made me discover a new side of me, an over protective person. I believe many times, as a parent I hover the little one out of fear. Many of you might relate to this, do you also feel scared of raising your child in a wold where everyday you hear a about kidnapping case, child abuse and bullies. If you feel world was a much more secure place when you were a kid, we have mutual thoughts mommy. But our duty as parents is to not just protect them but prepare them.

I believe kids are more safe and secure when they are supervised in their activities. But it’s also important to make them independent, they need to learn how to solve problems and regulate their own actions. For this, Children Need Freedom.

Also I strongly believe, freedom once given is very difficult when taken back.

03AE1980-0E55-41BA-8473-EBD99B19B2D1To this when I think of giving freedom to my little one, I believe Freedom In Moderation is what they really need.

Making them understand the good and bad side of every action will help them take a more evaluated decision in any given situation. Moderation in freedom will increase the flexibility in their behaviour.

For instance, i many a times see kids being influenced with the things that their friends do. They might want to eat junk just because their friends might do it. You can’t completely keep them away, instead choose to give them the freedom to do things in moderation. This will help them choose to do such things when they really want to do it (and not because they see their friends doing it) and be in control.

Also by giving freedom in moderation you will make them self disciplined. It’s always easier to control behaviour when you are free to do things or when you choose to not do it. On the other side when you are constrained from doing things, you might want to do it more, in some cases just out of anxiety to know why are you constrained from doing it.

How much freedom should be given to kids is the most thought about topic amongst parents. Freedom is a matter of concern with new parents, parents of a toddler and parents to teen aged children too. For me Freedom In Moderation in what I believe in, not only for my child but I practise the same on self too.

Share with me, what is your take on giving freedom to children. This blog post is a part of #LetsDiscussFreedom Blogathon. I would like to thank Sunita from <SunitaSaldhana>for introducing me. I would now like to introduce Sumira Bhatia from < Cuckoosnest > and recommend you to read her views on the prompt, ‘Your Take On Giving Freedom To Kids’.

 

 

What Freedom Means to Me!

6EDD183B-36E5-4A22-A542-0B81E0233CC3Freedom for a layman is the right to speak, think or worship, but for me freedom is a little more than just being free to do whatever I want. Fortunately, I am blessed to not be in a hard enough situation to even achieve a more basic level of freedom of thought where we know ourselves and do what we want to. Instead, we do what we think our parents, our friends, our bosses, or society dictates. For me freedom is a much greater deal than all these things and it’s at a different altitude.

Freedom for me earlier was, when I got to select the field of my education and switch it when I was not comfortable with it and my parents did not judge me for it.

Freedom for me was, when I got to hold on to a demanding and challenging job and quit it just because I wanted to take a break for some time and I wasn’t judged for it.

Freedom for me was, when I got a choice to learn the household chores because it was of my interest and not because it was a prerequisite.

Now, Freedom for me is feeling secure while I walk on a lonely road at midnight.

Freedom is when I get to plan a trip after marriage with my set of friends without being questioned much on the details.

Freedom for me is being able to raise my voice in defence of anyone in need without a fear of getting myself affected for doing so.

Freedom for me is not being judged when I choose to be a stay at home mama and leave my career aside for a while.

Freedom for me is not being judged for my messy bun, shabby brows and mom style dressing.

Freedom for me is being free from the guilt (specially momguilt) of not being able to live up to the expectations or taking a break from responsibilities and duties once in a while.

Freedom for me is not being judged on my parenting style which has a lot of extra pampering with a little screen time.

Freedom for me is when I let my little one be free and take her time to learn things. Choosing to let her stay away from the rat race of being the best and as quick as you can.

Freedom for me is being free from the social pressures and take decision that bring true happiness to my heart.
Above all this the most important thing which I need to seek freedom from is, freedom from my fear.Freedom from the fear of being a perfectionist. Freedom from fear of loosing things or people in life. I want to live a free life, Life that is adventurous, full of little moments that make memories for life. Freedom for me is exploring the world with no restrictions and boundaries, with no deadlines and pressure of performance.

This blog post is a part of #LetsDiscussFreedom Blogathon. I would like to thank Sunita from <SunitaSaldhana>for introducing me. I would now like to introduce Sumira Bhatia from < Cuckoosnest > and recommend you to read her views on the prompt, ‘What Does  Freedom Mean To You’.

 

 

It’s her big ONE!

I still can’t believe it’s already an year since I held you for the first time in my arms. Your tiny nose, pretty eyes and those tiny little feet. I remember I was thinking – I have never felt this before, wow she is precious, she is a part of me, she is MINE.

And here we are, all of a sudden you look more like a toddler than a baby. You are so close to walking but you have no teeth. Our house is brightened when you screen and you make my heart melt when you say “mumma” in your sweet voice. Seeing a dog makes you dance in joy, you love that swing and you love to fly.

All this might sound like a cliché as every child and mom must have experienced the same. But at the same time, this is special for me, because you are you and I am me and there is no other combination like us.

I accept I made many mistakes as a new mother in this one year. But You taught me that I needed to rock you to sleep.You taught me to trust you as you explored your world. You taught me how to let go of a messy house once in a while. You taught me that being present with you is far better than trying to juggle too much at time. You taught me to sail in the learning of new things—colors, animals, words, foods. With you, I can experience all of these things again for the first time. It was you who taught me how you to raise you better.

I do not know if I will be able to be what you want me to be, but I want to be your OCEAN. I want you to know that I will always be both front and behind you. The depth of my love for you will forever be immeasurable. All that I have in me for you: the love, the fear, the feeling of pride and insecurity is because, you have made me what I am.

I know you have learned to express your needs, you are all set to explore this world and I am sure you will make things happen your way in your own world. You will be fierce, independent and adventurous. But somewhere deep down in my heart I also wish that you stay small enough to curl into my arms before bed for just a little more longer, your tiny little fingers wrapped around mine when you walk, your arms around my neck everytime i carry you. Let’s just pause, here, now…for a little while, or forever.. on your birthday.

Wish you a very happy birthday! You are the little treasure god knew I needed.

My Mom Was RIGHT!

Last evening while feeding dinner to my little one I just stopped for a moment and thought Oh my god, I sound exactly like my mother!

It was only when I became a mother myself I realised that my mother was right about every damn thing.

Okay so to start with, let me take you back in my childhood. I had a very disciplinary mother, my meals had to be on time, I got to eat junk food and chocolates only twice a week, I had to go to bed on time. Keeping it short my childhood was a very disciplined one and I always thought I would never do this when I become a mother.

But yesterday evening when My little one wanted to have chocolate milk instead of her porridge for dinner I panicked and I said – if you wish to have dinner you have to eat what is in plate for you. And that was the moment! I realised OMG – I thought I would never do this.

And then I realised as a child I was constantly coming with excuses for myself that why mom would never understand that things have changed from when she was a child. I always thought that she and I are totally different personalities, and she would never know what I felt as a child or what I will be as a mother. But she always told me one thing – “You will know it all when you become a mother”.

Well, here I am today mother to a one year old little princess, and I have experienced quite a lot if not all. And finally I have that moment where I say “Oh Mom YOU WERE RIGHT”. You were right when you scolded me to eat healthy, to follow a routine, to have a clean closet and a clean room, to do my homework.You were right about everything.

After being a mother, I realised you were not wrong

when you simultaneously loved and disliked me in a single moment of time.

You were right that my swollen gums while teething and blocked nose in winters were more painful for you than me.

I now know that you were right, when you said your days were really long, but your years went in the blink of an eye while you were busy raising me.

So today I bow my head in front of a mother who has been selfless, who has nurtured me into who I am. I find myself beyond lucky to call you my Mom and I can’t thankyou enough for all that you have done for me. I accept YOU WERE RIGHT! Being a parent is not easy, as I continue to learn being one everyday, I wish I can be like YOU.

This post is a part of a blog train organised by Elina Wadia where 20 Indian moms have come together to write on how their own mothers were right! To read her article on the same topic, click here Elina

Also, make sure to check this interesting article written by a fellow mom blogger, Priyanka of The happy mummy blog Priyanka

Why I love Softsens for M!

Babies are such bundles of joy aren’t they?? Motherhood along with much happiness brings in a sense of responsibility to choose the best for your child. I wanted to do so too and this I was obviously apprehensive of the products that I use for little M.

Baby’s skin is soft, smooth, and infinitely touchable, and Baby M is born with extra sensitive skin. I am always in search for products that will suit her skin type. Recently I got my hands on @Softsens – they are an innovative bunch of baby care enthusiasts. All their products are designed by in-house experts inspired by everyday needs, habits and experiences of real Moms like us.

I have been using a few products by softsens on little M for a while now and here is my opinion on the products that came in the baby skin care set.

Baby wash:

I personally loved this baby wash as it’s enriched with natural milk cream and Shea butter. It’s perfect for her skin type as it gently cleanses her skin without drying it out.

Also what I really look in a body wash is, that it should be soap free to avoid irritation in her eyes and we look forward to a tear free bath time.

Baby Shampoo:

Little M was born with a head full of hair and I loved how her hair were so soft. But as we got her head shaved and the new hair growing is comparatively dull.

I liked this baby shampoo as it’s enriched with natural plant based essential oil, which maintains the natural oil in her hair.

What I really like about this is that it’s a soap free formula which cleanses and nourishes the baby’s scalp.

Baby wipes:

As we all know, motherhood comes with a need of tones of baby wipes. I loved these ones in specific as they are alcohol and paraben free.

Also these wipes are infused with lotion and vitamin E which keeps her dry skin moisturised and the cooling aloe Vera gel soothes her skin. I find it completely safe to use all over her body when on the go.

Baby powder:

I absolutely love the mild fragrance and soft velvet feel to this baby powder. We have used this around her happy area and it absorbs the excess moisture and keeps the skin dry and smooth.

The plant based ingredients which have antiseptic properties protect baby’s soft skin from friction and sweating making the baby feel comfortable and happy.

Baby Lotion & cream:

I prefer this lotion as it comes with milk cream and Shea butter and this keeps her dry skin moisturized for longer period. This also contains glycerin and anti oxidants like vitamin E which helps hydrate her skin and keep nourished. It’s extremely light weight and non greasy in skin, perfect for the weather type in mumbai.

Baby massage oil:

Honestly I haven’t tried this product on her as she is allergic to any massage oil. We massage her body with homemade ghee. But I have used it for myself as a makeup remover and it works wonders. It’s extremely light and the olive oil extracts soothe and condition the skin.

Baby soap:

We are extremely happy with the body wash and I personally feel soap would be a little harsh on her sensitive skin so did not give it a try. But I have tried it on myself and it’s creamy and the mild and sweet fragrance is so refreshing.

I genuinely look for products that are made in India yet meet international standard, and I am happy I have found my set of skin care range for M. What can go wrong with products that are made with a philosophy of MOM KNOWS THE BEST!